Limerence has a dark side due to its addictive nature. It might feel enjoyable for a while, but obsessing over another person and feeling totally emotionally dependent on them is not a healthy way to live. Because the brain cannot keep producing the chemicals that create the feeling of addictive love, the majority of cases of limerence go away by themselves within two to three years. Healthy Living is unique in a sea of health magazines that only present information on nutrition and exercise.
Crazy In Love: When Is It More Than Heartbreak?
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Be Assertive, Not Aggressive. Healthy Living Healthy Living is unique in a sea of health magazines that only present information on nutrition and exercise. View all posts. You may also like. That helped, but it still didn't "cure" me of these feelings. At some point, I realized I didn't really know her any more, never really knew her that well, and that I was probably just nostalgic for a memory or for the emotions I felt when I was with her. Would I give it to her? Would I sacrifice something important to me for her? But the feelings continue to linger to this day, even though my intellectual mind figured this out long ago.
Poetess, book lover, chemist, writer, mother, artist, HSP… wild woman.
My heart just won't get with the program, even though I'm married, with kids, and I'm not going anywhere because I love them, and I'm genuinely happy too. I was even musing about the old girlfriend one day, wondering what my life would be like with her, when my wife walked downstairs and said the perfect thing; I realized I had everything I ever wanted right there with me, but even that did not make my other feelings stop.
I'm pretty sure I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. It is not debilitating, I don't stalk her online, I don't go looking for her.
I try to live my life, all of it, without her, because that's the way it really is. There's always this temptation to see what's going on with her; I resist it, but I'd rather not have to resist. I don't need to forget, but I do wish that I was indifferent, the way I feel about other old loves in my life.
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That would be so much better. So I'd like to try this "thought association", but I don't quite understand. When I think about this girl now an old woman , I'm supposed to think about something less problematic? Like what? Like make her old, fat and ugly instead of young and pretty? Driving my car? Hitting a great tennis shot? I'm not sure I get it. Maybe somebody can explain this a little better for me. Anyway, I thought I'd share this for the benefit of younger kids.
Figure out a way to get your ex out of your head, otherwise you might be thinking about that person your entire life. Sometimes, I feel like I'm truly nutty. So first, the key thing you said that I've been expecting is the fact that it wasn't actually that good to begin with, you just imagined it to be "perfect". It's often that way with the 'falling in love bit' which is the most potent part of "love" - it fills all the blanks, everything we don't know with traits we want, in a way it makes someone almost superhuman, it makes them perfect because we minimize their faults, emphasize their strengths if any and the rest we simply make up.
As for my suggestion of thought association, it's not really about making the person worse that's what I speak of in the 1st paragraph - it's the opposite of what is done automatically to cause us to fall head over heels. To get rid of a troubling thought, however, you must 'catch yourself' thinking about it every time and change the subject, change the train of thought.
The idea is that eventually you'll no longer need conscious effort to do it.
Love and Limerence
Other than that I'd say that it gained strength from changing you - as you say later on you never feared rejection, which means the history was somewhat reinforced every time you were in a situation where rejection was a possibility. The problem should be easier to be rid of now that rejection is no longer a potential problem.
Do let me know how things work out for you and feel free to ask anything else, I'll help out as best I can. I truly believe this limerence monster is hereditary. My grandmother called it "being in love with love" and her little dalliances "from afar" lasted well into her 70's. I remember my mother also having "lust in her heart" for ministers at our church but it was never consummated physically.
She often said she was living a life of quiet desperation and never slept through the night. I think the fantasies of perfect love were too addictive to just put aside so they both "kept busy" or they would have ended up in the booby hatch! Direct quotes from both grandma and my mom. Now that this latest bout that I've recently discovered happening to me is eating a hole in my soul I am about to seek professional help to see if there is some kind of behavioral therapy that can get me out of this cycle of madness.
I used to just keep myself numb with alcohol but Iv'e been sober for over 3 years and this is the worst heart pain I've ever experienced. I won't let this make me drink again though! Good luck to all other limerents, may you find peace soon.
It's anecdotal evidence but I'd say the same. Me, my sister and my dad have this problem. I'm glad it's got a name too because it felt lonely that the only other person who I know to have such a problem comes off as extremely obsessed and batshit crazy from an outside perspective. I've had this problem for a long time, since I was a teenager, for different men for varying periods of time.
Things that worked for me: focusing on self, working on the life that would make me the happiest with or without romantic attachments. I've met my ex boyfriend of a few years during such a period of self betterment. I don't know if my affliction was cured or if we were both prone to limerence but the anxious period of figuring out if the other person is interested in you was definitely alleviated by his enthusiasm for a relationship with me.
Now that I'm out of a relationship where I knew my boyfriend loved me back, I find that I'm again starting the painful cycle of limerence with an ex boyfriend who came back to my life. I'm curious about the CBT exercises mentioned in the comments. I'll try it and comment back. One other specific exercise that helped me was the following.
First, write down your feelings about the person from your "ambitious" perspective. Then write down from your self doubting perspective. Nobody would like me, especially him" Read both feelings and thoughts, try to absorb yourself on both perspectives one at a time. The seemingly paradoxical feelings do coexist in our inner world.listingcambodia.com/includes/150-comment-ecouter-le.php
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Hi, thanks for some more insight. I sought professional help and she diagnosed this "curse" as a part of the OCD family.
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I knew I was a little obsessed with crooked pictures on the wall but apparently this Love sickness falls under obsession too. The mind gets attached to good feelings and the need to make order out of chaos.